This framing of loss as logistical rather than romantic is so underrated. I went through something simliar last year and kept trying to explain that I missed the structure more than anything else, but nobody really got it. The part about making room for who someone might become is brutal tho, because it's like you're grieving a future that only existed in your head.
When I grieve the family I left behind, but then I think about the alternate reality where I stayed with them and where we we would be right now, I think of how my presence in it would’ve taken away from where my former partner would be able to be. I think she is happy with her new partner. And since we consciously uncoupled, that was the point, to be able to pursue new timelines in a version without each other being in each other‘s space.
When I think of the structure of what we had, I think of moments of beauty from different time periods of it. I even revisit those vignettes in my dreams. And then I have other dreams that are based in those vignettes, but never really happened and it’s like whole new experiences that don’t even exist in the waking world.
I keep trying to find ways to let go whenever those dreams come through and I feel nostalgia, even cry in my dreams or when I have woken up.
That said, I am excited about how I am architecting my new arrangement of furniture without the former cast of characters, at least not playing the roles in their former positions.
Have a great day AI Architect and thank you, Cait!
Exactly this, and I think there is an undercurrent of shame that gets tossed around when we misjudge future planning for falling for someone’s potential. As if every time you walk around a new house or new apartment or new city you don’t try to find how yourself fits into the space with your imagination. I think it’s beautiful to see and love what someone values and to make space for how those values will decorate your life. It does bring on a whole new set of grief when it doesn’t work out too. It’s like when I had to move out of my place before the movers delivered my favorite couch. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful response.
What a beautiful way to describe it! You're right, I guess I do have a lot of furniture that belonged to other people. And I arranged it for people who are no longer here.
This framing of loss as logistical rather than romantic is so underrated. I went through something simliar last year and kept trying to explain that I missed the structure more than anything else, but nobody really got it. The part about making room for who someone might become is brutal tho, because it's like you're grieving a future that only existed in your head.
When I grieve the family I left behind, but then I think about the alternate reality where I stayed with them and where we we would be right now, I think of how my presence in it would’ve taken away from where my former partner would be able to be. I think she is happy with her new partner. And since we consciously uncoupled, that was the point, to be able to pursue new timelines in a version without each other being in each other‘s space.
When I think of the structure of what we had, I think of moments of beauty from different time periods of it. I even revisit those vignettes in my dreams. And then I have other dreams that are based in those vignettes, but never really happened and it’s like whole new experiences that don’t even exist in the waking world.
I keep trying to find ways to let go whenever those dreams come through and I feel nostalgia, even cry in my dreams or when I have woken up.
That said, I am excited about how I am architecting my new arrangement of furniture without the former cast of characters, at least not playing the roles in their former positions.
Have a great day AI Architect and thank you, Cait!
Exactly this, and I think there is an undercurrent of shame that gets tossed around when we misjudge future planning for falling for someone’s potential. As if every time you walk around a new house or new apartment or new city you don’t try to find how yourself fits into the space with your imagination. I think it’s beautiful to see and love what someone values and to make space for how those values will decorate your life. It does bring on a whole new set of grief when it doesn’t work out too. It’s like when I had to move out of my place before the movers delivered my favorite couch. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful response.
What a beautiful way to describe it! You're right, I guess I do have a lot of furniture that belonged to other people. And I arranged it for people who are no longer here.