The Thought:
I should be farther along by now.
I used to think this all the time.
When I was 26 and sitting on the floor of my too-small apartment, watching my friends buy houses. When I turned 30 and still didn’t feel like a real adult. When I scrolled past people in my industry who seemed to have their lives locked down while I was still figuring out what the hell I even wanted.
That thought used to gut me.
It made me feel like I was wasting time. Like I had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Like my life was a series of delays while everyone else got a fast pass to fulfillment.
And that’s the part that really stung: Everyone else seemed to be moving forward. So why wasn’t I?
The Assumption:
There is a right pace for your life, and you are behind it.
I think back to all the times I believed this.
When I was working three jobs to keep my business afloat, convinced I was failing because I wasn’t farther along. When I was watching someone else hit six figures while I was still clawing my way out of debt. When I thought I should have more stability, a clearer sense of direction, a life that made more sense on paper.
At every stage, I felt like I was late.
But late for what?
Because here’s the thing—at a certain point, I wasn’t just feeling behind. I was feeling annoyed at myself.
I watched other people settle. They got the corporate job, the house, the marriage, the ‘safe and predictable’ life. And while some of them seemed quietly unfulfilled, they also seemed…content. Like checking the boxes was enough.
Meanwhile, I had spent my life chasing something different.
I wanted more. More honesty. More freedom. More meaning. I refused to follow the traditional path because I thought it would make me miserable. I thought being bold and unconventional would lead me somewhere better.
And yet—when I looked around, what did I have to show for it?
I wasn’t happier. I wasn’t farther ahead.
I had risked so much to do life my way, and at times, it felt like it didn’t actually get me anywhere. And that? That felt awful.
The Reframe:
You are not behind. You are in process.
I won’t lie to you—choosing a different path doesn’t come with instant rewards. It doesn’t hand you a trophy or make your life easier.
But here’s what I had to realize:
The fact that I felt like my way wasn’t working? That wasn’t because I was actually failing. It was because I was still measuring my success using their ruler.
I was still looking at my life through the lens of a system I had already rejected.
I was still expecting to feel validated in a game I didn’t even want to play.
And once I saw that—I had to make a choice.
Would I keep treating myself like a failure because I hadn’t built the life they told me to build? Or would I start measuring success in a way that actually aligned with what I wanted?
Because maybe it wasn’t about getting somewhere faster.
Maybe it was about making sure that where I was going actually mattered to me.
The Invitation:
I’m not saying it’s easy.
Letting go of this thought isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a practice. It’s something I still have to remind myself of when I catch that ghost whispering, What are you even doing?
But here’s what I’m learning: It’s not just about trusting the timing. It’s about redefining what matters to me in the first place.
Not in vague, lofty terms like peace or joy or fulfillment—but in a way that I can actually recognize in my own life.
If joy matters to me, what does that look like?
If peace is what I want, how do I actually feel it in my body?
Because if I don’t define those things for myself, I’ll end up chasing someone else’s version of them again.
Where we assume peace looks like meditating on a mountaintop when maybe, for you, it’s blasting heavy metal while wrenching on a car.
We’re taught that fulfillment comes from checking boxes. But even in the most self-aware, zen-like circles, we still default to these generic ideals of what a “good life” is supposed to look like.
And what I’m realizing is—it’s all an inside job.
Only I can define what actually resonates with me.
Only I can recognize when I’m actually having the life I say I want.
Only I can decide what enough feels like.
So maybe that’s the real work—not catching up, not fixing, not striving, but getting brutally honest with yourself about what actually matters to you.
And when you know that?
You stop feeling behind.
Because you’re finally measuring your life by something that’s yours.
Here’s the thing, I don’t have a better conclusion or wrap-up than that.
It’s messy, challenging, and exhausting.
Don’t take it all on at once.
Don’t take it all on alone.
It’s all a practice and small bites.
Something I wrote in my journal that’s felt supportive for me when I was in the thick of this, “I am not behind. I am exactly where I need to be, living a life that is mine to define. What matters to me is mine to choose, mine to feel, and mine to embody. I trust my own timing.”
I hope this serves you too.
to the brave thing.
If this hit home, don’t keep it to yourself—send it to someone who needs this reminder too. Because the more we unlearn, the more we reclaim.
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Enjoyed this - comparison is the thief of joy! Can sure be slightly confusing and have you questioning your decisions and direction when it's against the grain of most.