Hey, neurodivergent girls—how about we stop trying to figure out who we are?
In a world that requires you to mask just to survive, that’s a losing battle. It keeps you in a chaotic, chronic loop of perfectionism, burnout, and boundary-less shape-shifting in the name of “figuring it out.”
And you know it doesn’t work for you.
So let me ask a better question:
What if instead of “Who am I?”
We started with “How am I?”
And I don’t mean that in a fluffy, “check in with your big feelings” way.
Because if you’re anything like I was, your feelings are just… circulating. Constantly.
Sad. Exhausted. Disassociated. Frustrated.
Those are the regulars.
And the happy moments? Fleeting. Suspicious, even.
You start wondering—Is this real? Is it a pattern? Is it a mask again? Is it trauma pretending to be joy?
You want it to make sense. Because if it makes sense, maybe you can trust it. Maybe then, it’s real. Maybe then, it’s you.
But it never quite lands like that, does it?
Okay okay. Take a walk with me.
Here’s what I do know:
Throughout my life, no matter what was falling apart, I’ve always had this quiet, blind faith that I’d figure it out eventually. Even when I felt like I was drowning, I never really believed I’d stay stuck. That kind of quiet determination? That’s me. That’s the thread I always come back to.
I believe in the pivotal moments—the ones that change you. The ones you don’t realize matter until later, when everything’s already different.
For me, it was choosing track instead of soccer.
It was choosing food photography instead of all the other genres they handed me.
It was choosing Portland when I didn’t have the money or the plan to prove it would work.
It was choosing the van when I had a “nice” life and a business that “worked.”
Not all of those stories have happy endings. But that’s not the point.
The point is: I chose. And when I chose, I did it from a place of integrity. From a place of trust. From a place that sometimes only knew what was currently happening wasn’t working anymore. And listening to that knowing mattered more than what happened next.
I used to think self-trust was this big, noble thing. Like, if I worked hard enough to heal, or journaled enough, or figured out the right morning routine, then one day I’d wake up and just… know who I am. Like the version of me underneath all the masks would introduce herself and we’d be good to go.
But no one tells you how quiet that version is, and how wildly inconsistent she is in spite of all the work you do to create a safe environment for her to do so.
How sometimes she doesn’t show up with clarity—she just shows up with resistance. With unease. With the feeling that something’s off and no longer aligned, and that’s all you get. And your job is to listen anyway.
Your job is to not abandon her when she doesn’t have a plan.
And that’s where I’ve been lately.
Sitting with the resistance. Letting the grief come up for all the times I was so good at being everything for everyone—and really, truly, I didn’t hate it. I actually loved her. I just know now I can’t sustain her. Not if I want to live.
Not if I want to feel like I’m mine.
So maybe we’ll never fully figure out who we are.
Maybe that’s not the requirement.
Maybe the only thing that’s ever really mattered is congruency—showing up, right now, in a way that feels honest, even if you don’t have the words for it yet.
That doesn’t require a label.
That doesn’t require a brand.
That doesn’t require a breakthrough.
It just requires courage.
And maybe a little less self-analysis. And a little more trust. LOL, imagine that!?
I’m working on it too.
Let’s figure out how we are, together.
💬 PS: If this post hit like a hug and a gut-punch at the same time… I just opened up something new.
It’s called The Mirror Call—a 60-minute 1:1 space to reflect, reframe, and remember your way forward with me.
Not a coaching package. Not therapy.
Just one honest hour where you bring the thing that feels heavy, sticky, or loud—and I help you find language for it. We sit in it together. And by the end, you’ll have more clarity, more self-trust, and at least one reframe that softens the noise.
No pressure, just faith.
You can book here if it speaks to you:
👉🏽 Book a Mirror Call
Fundamentally I think you confused me. Like I understand the words, and I sorta understand the point, sorta. Put then it disapates and I am left befuddled.